At the end of 1998 I went to an astrologer for the first time in my life and came out of that 2 hours with the feeling that the top of my head had been blown open and the Universe was streaming in and out and all around me!...WOW...the implications, I thought!! That was the beginning of my true awakening - although, of course, all the signs were there from childhood...but it took that experience to really get me on my way.

My Grandmother and I always had a marvellous connection but we didn't speak of spiritual matters. I remember only one time at dinner we were talking about what happens after we die and I said, "I believe that when we die the spark that animates us, that gives us life, just goes back to the big energy source that we came from, gets mixed back in, and will be used in something else - so that we never really die..." My Grandmother looked at me and said, with surprise, "That's what I believe too! I believe in the Spark!"

That was the extent of our spiritual conversations.

Then, in September 1999, my grandmother died. She was the first person I'd been close to that had died - I'd never experienced this before. Since I'd just started awakening but hadn't read any 'freaky' books yet (Seth being the first one) the following experience feels pristine and direct.

My Grandmother died just a week before my planned trip to France for a month (it would have been terrible if she'd died while I was away - I'm sure she was conscious of this too) So, I attended her funeral (more like a party with lots of singing like a Recital - she had been a music teacher teaching out of her home - although I sobbed and sobbed the whole way through and there was no way I could stand up to say or sing anything, I was a wreck) right before flying off to France.

I had a dream of my grandmother on one of my first nights in France and it was her voice saying to me: "Go with something Yellow." I had no idea what she was talking about but made a note of that.

Then, a couple of weeks later we were in southern France in Saint Remy de Provence sitting in our car outside of Chateau de Roussan - a place I'd wanted to stay as it had that falling-apart old Chateau, authentic feel AND it was Nostradamus' grand-son's property - or something like that - bonus! haha. We'd gone in and just weren't sure whether we should stay here or not - so we were back out in the car humming and hawing. We went back in for another go - she couldn't show us any of the rooms because they were still occupied and wouldn't be available for a few hours - but she showed us a brochure of the room that would be available for us - it was blue. She said, "It's exactly like this room only it's YELLOW." A huge light bulb went off in my brain and I was like: OK, we'll take it! (where this was leading who knew? But it was an obvious sign, yes?)

Sooooo at the appointed time we go up the huge old stairs to our room - oooooh my god, it was perfect!! The windows were HUGE - (we could both sit in them) and overlooked the slightly neglected, but gorgeous grounds....ponds with fish, tree-lined canals, bamboo forest....WOW...beautiful.

So that night I fall asleep and am visited by my Grandmother. (the something yellow seems very significant now, eh?! Makes me wonder about the vibration/frequency of the colour Yellow...incidentally I bought my first yellow top just two months ago - but this is another subject! pssst: pay attention to the colours you are drawn to wear - they tell you something about how you are growing)

So, in the dream, my Grandmother is right there with me - soooo tangible - it is her and she is speaking with me! She, without words, infuses me with alllllll the secrets of the Universe (that's how I wrote it down back then) and the feeling was SOOOOOO incredibly beautiful, I awoke with tears streaming down my face - tears of pure, absolute, joy, ecstasy and bliss. In words, the information that she conveyed to me was that ALL, EVERYTHING, Absolutely EVERYTHING in the whole wide world and universe was GOOD. It was absolutely perfect. I remember feeling like she'd said that the past, the present, the future are good - Life is good, Death is good...that there is absolutely nothing that is, in fact, NOT good. Ooooh my goodness, what information!

At some point in this communication I said to her, with excitement, "But Gran, I can't believe you EXIST!!!" And she replied, with a total twinkle in her eye (I can still see it), "Ooooh yes, I exist allright!" When I said that to her I meant it in two ways (words eh? they just don't tell the whole story - but I remember what I meant)...I meant 1. I honestly can't believe you actually EXIST still - as my grandmother's energy! I mean - we thought your spark went back into the great mixing?? What are you doing talking to me!!? and 2. I can't believe you are actually taking this time to tell me all of this - that someone as good as you exists!! Because, it felt like the knowledge she was imparting to me was the most important thing in the whole universe to know.

So, that was her big message to me - it's amazing isn't it? I can remember the feeling she infused me with in a heartbeat - it's mine forever. What a gift. Thank you, Gran!! I had never ever felt that joyous in all my life - the tears of joy streaming down my face....wow. Pure Beauty!

The feeling wasn't Love (I associate love with all those lovely loving feelings between us humans and animals and life) but I can imagine people calling it Love. You know how they say that the Universe IS Love? I've never felt that. I think that Love is the best-feeling emotion that we can conjure up easily to associate with what we imagine to be the best Universe/God - but I don't think the Universe IS Love. (just my opinion!) The feeling my grandmother infused me with was just that Life is Perfect, it's Good, it's Correct. Imagine this feeling of Life being Perfect in every way exploding and expanding out of your heart center...and resounding through every part of your body and up through your head in a forever-expanding wave of Beautiful Beingness. Oh my god. Pure joy!

My Gran loved hibiscus' and bouganvilla. I got them mixed up before I moved to Mexico - never knew which was which - but she had one of each in pots for years. When she died my mom took the pink bouganvilla - it never ever bloomed, but she kept it alive. Well - when I was looking after my mom's acreage for 34 days one summer - the pink bouganvilla started to bloom it's pink blossoms!!! My Grandmother was with me.There are messages everywhere if you're paying attention...

Much SuperLOVE to ALL of you - may the perfection of our existence flow through every cell in your body...

Now I live in a place where I have planted pink hibiscus and pink bouganvilla! My grandmother is happy.